


"You could come up, if you'd like..."

by Pikkulef



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-06-29 21:11:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15737421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pikkulef/pseuds/Pikkulef
Summary: Litterally, what would have happened if Matt had not been a damn coward and had trusted Karen.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's midnight right now and I'm real tired and I shouldn't post this but I do it anyway.  
> So, warnings : 
> 
> 1\. English is not my first language, again, and this has not been beta-ed. And written quite fast for my own standards. 
> 
> 2\. I admit nothing much happens in this first chapter - it will change in the next ones. 
> 
> 3\. Lastly, if you expect smut right away, you don't know how annoying I am with it. Actually I have never written any. Be warned.

“You could come up, if you’d like”  
The sentence had the effect of a hit in the stomach on Matt. Of course, she was going to say this. And if he was honest with himself, he desperately wanted her to.  
Except he could not.  
“I would love to…  
“But you won’t.” He heard her deception, he heard how she bit her lips. He heard her heart skip a beat. Louder, how she sighed, while trying to contain it. He heard all this, and he asked himself if he would have to hear it all his life. From all the people he cherished.  
“Not tonight.”  
And what if he did in fact come up with her? He thought about Foggy. Foggy he felt like he had known all his life, and about his reaction. Did he want the same from Karen? Would she be as understanding as he was in the end? Did he want to lose her if she was not? Did he want to keep lying to her?  
“It’s okay…”  
She wasn’t mad about him. It just sounded like she was disappointed. Somehow, it was worse. He wanted to come up. He really wanted to. But if he did come up with her, there would be no going back. It was going to happen. He would have to explain. Did he want to ruin the best date he had had in a while? With someone that was so important for him? Someone he… he thought he loved?  
He hesitated. Tried to kiss her once more, stalling what would happen next, but she had sensed it. She sat back and put her hand on his.  
“You know, I’ve started to know you.” She sighed, but there was a hint of a smile in how it sounded. “Listen to your heart, for once, Matthew. What do you _really_ want right now?”  
Oh, he knew what he wanted. He wanted her. The caress of her lips on his once more, her hands on his body, her body against his, his hands on her... To come with her upstairs and never go out again. To tell her. Everything. But what if she didn’t understand? If she didn’t understand… well. But she was not Foggy. She wasn’t as easy to be lied to – she was stubborn, and she was nosy. Two things you could take as a flaw, but he actually though were qualities from her. He admired how she wanted the truth. Always. Hard truth, even more. How she pursued it, in a way, like he wanted to pursue justice. Even better than he did. Wasn’t it what brought them together in the first place? Her trying to uncover truth? It could be what would separate them, if he kept on lying. On trying to hide from her. He was afraid. But he was even more afraid of telling her. Of… showing her.

Something in Matt’s face had closed, almost imperceptibly. Karen could tell he was fighting an inner struggle. And not a little one. She wondered. He seemed to be feeling so good, just seconds before. When he kissed her… Oh, God. It had felt the best she had in so, so long. And she could tell he enjoyed it, too. She just wanted him to say yes, just wanted to take him upstairs. Maybe chat a little more. Maybe…  
Well, not “maybe”.  
It must be this. It must be what he had been hiding, lately, that stopped him from coming. She was not stupid, she could put one and one together. Whatever he was trying to conceal, it was what stopped him from letting go. From allowing himself to really enjoy this moment – and take the opportunity he had just been offered. A great opportunity, if she could say so herself. And he was probably not a bad one either. His kiss…  
He was patting his shirt pocket, fishing for his glasses. Trying to hide away from her, physically this time. Then he frowned, tilting his head on the side. And let his hand fall from his pocket, empty.  
“What I… what I really want.” He sighed, took a breath in, and smiled. “I think you know what I want better than I do, Miss Page.”

Her joy seemingly exploded in his ear. Her heart beating faster, her suddenly lose breathing. This was worth it. The smile in her voice when she placed her hand back in his. He could swear he could hear how bright that smile was. He couldn’t help but smile too. She was contagious.  
“Then here, take my hand, Mister Murdock, I’m going to show you around.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, but you two need to talk first.

They couldn’t resist a last kiss before entering the building, a soft, long kiss, that they had difficulty ending to stand up. She tasted like the curry she had had earlier, softened by the mango that was contained in the dessert they just shared. Perfect combination for her, Matt briefly thought, before forgetting how to think again.

Karen was the first to get up, keeping his hand firmly in hers, in case he suddenly went back on his decision and decided to flee. She guided him through two sets of stairs, gently, never taking her eyes off him – which made her miss a step or two, causing them both to laugh, awkwardly but genuinely. Matt looked happy too, but tense, as if he was still worried about that thing that almost stopped him from going up. Was he eventually going to open up about it? What could it be? She was tied between wanting to know, wanting to ask him questions, and undressing him right after they had closed the door. She decided for a third option, not asking him anything and letting him speak out by offering him another drink.   
Before proceeding to undress him, whatever his secret was. Well, not whatever, but…

Matt was amused but slightly worried about Karen. Could she keep such high a pulse for long? To be fair, his own heartbeat was thundering in his ears, his heart stuttering whenever he felt her turn towards him. Almost the same exhilaration as when he allowed himself to run free, up there. Almost. Better, this time. Because it was shared. With her. It had been a long while since he had felt like this about someone. Would it be the same once he had spilled it all? How would he do it? He was so sure no one would ever see through him, that he had not thought about it. Never allowed himself to fantasize about it, about revealing himself. Oh of course, there was Elektra, but he was young, dumb, and it was as if she _already knew_. And she was already visibly… _hardened_. Karen, he didn’t want to… didn’t want to break her trust in him. But lying would surely do that over years, maybe just months, wouldn’t it?

They were both out of breath when they reached Karen’s door, even if it was just a couple of floors. She fumbled with her keys for a way longer time than usual – Matt’s hand on her shoulder feeling almost heavier than she was used to wasn’t helping –   but finally managed to open it. She grabbed Matt by the arm, then let go immediately.   
“Oh, sorry, I’m just -   
“Very concerned about dragging me inside, I see,” Matt cut her, a crooked smile on his face, stepping towards her so she backed inside the flat, and letting the door close behind him. He leaned in again for a kiss and she did not need to be asked twice to comply. This kiss was _not_ soft. He pressed her against the wall, while she pressed her body against his. They grabbed at each other as if they were drowning, awkwardly, with more strength than necessary, breathing heavily.

Matt had to constantly remind himself not to get lost in his senses. In her smell. In her previously soft, now pleasantly rough touch. In her taste on his lips. Her delicate skin under his fingers, and lips. Not to forget he had to stop before anything more happened. But it was not easy…

Out of breath, Karen was once again the one to break their embrace. Her voice was shaking, but full of her smile.   
“Shall we… shall we get a drink, first?”  
It took a few seconds for Matt to get his bearings. But this was, in fact, a good idea.   
“Yeah, right. A drink.” He steadied his breath, his composure, and his tie – subtly verifying he had not let her undo it without noticing. No. Not yet. He smiled again. “Good idea, _Miss Page_.” 

She stepped back slowly, almost reluctantly, and left him there. Not showing the place around. She had forgotten – again. Her mind was entertaining other thoughts, probably – this thought put the crooked smile back on Matt’s face. What if he followed? Would she realize? Would it help? She was not that far, maybe six, seven meters, at the other side of a big room – probably the only one besides, yes, a bedroom and a bathroom. She opened what sounded like a fridge. He didn’t have the time to come up with a decision as she turned around.   
“Lucky you, I have two beers left. After that, we will be forced to step up to whis-“ She had noticed he was just standing there, waiting. “Oh, God. I am a bitch, am I?” she sighed.   
“Not really.” He smiled. “You’re just… preoccupied… by other matters...   
“That, I am.” He heard her chuckle, then the sound of glass against a hard surface – kitchen counter or table. He was, in fact, too _preoccupied_ himself to focus clearly. It was the first time this had ever happened. She walked towards him and put her hand in his. “So, if I am to make amends, how do I do that? Just take you by the hand and show you around?   
“P… Pretty much, yeah.” The words had difficulty going through his throat.   
If he was going to say something, it was now. He cleared his throat. “Karen…”   
He felt her hand tighten around his. “Matt?”   
“What if… I told you…” He shook his head, closing his eyes and frowning. Let out a long sigh. “Okay.” He took both her hands, almost pleading. He needed her to understand. He did not know what he would do if she didn’t. If she yelled. If she kicked him out. Called him a liar. What he was. On some things. Although… it was complicated. “Look. It’s… it’s complicated. I need to show you something. Please, just… just look. Questions later, alright?”  
She was confused. He could hear it in her voice. “Yeah, alright, but -   
“Please. I will answer your questions. _All of them_."  
There was a pause. He felt Karen's hands in his being agitated with almost indiscernible tremors. The kind he was the only one able to sense - she probably didn't feel them herself.  
“Okay. Show me.” Her tone had suddenly switched. He recognized it. It was her tone when she was on a subject. Sharper. Colder, too. When she worked with Ben and now when she talked about Castle. Her truth-seeking voice. He did not know if it was a good sign or not, but now...

He chose to trust her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter in a few days, although I am not really happy nor confident about this one, so if anyone would want to beta it and tell me if it's good or utter bullshit, you are welcome ^^"


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some of the talking that needed to be done is done. Now is it the right way, I am not sure about that, Matt...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank @LittleDidTheyKnow a dozen time for taking the time to read and correct this, and tell me how she liked it. It's one of the things I've written many times in different ways and I never know how to do it right, so your support and enthusiastic comments helped greatly ! <3

That was not what she had been expecting. She didn’t really know if it was a good thing or not. What? Showing her? Showing her what? She wanted him to explain, to tell her what he was doing, why he was suddenly disappearing, how he ended up covered in bruises every other week. Why he was always so secretive about everything regarding himself, even when they had obviously started dating.  
She was half convinced he was drinking. Had been considering asking Josie, at the bar, if he didn’t spend all his nights there, when the two others weren’t around, and if he didn’t maybe, what, pick up fights with patrons? This sounded so stupid. But, somehow, she figured Matt had a darker part that he didn’t want people to see. And that this was linked to it. She had figured long ago… because she had one, too.  
Matt had his head tilted on the side, that puppy-like pose she kind of liked. Okay, she loved. But he had also tried to face her, to “look” at her as much as he could when he said his last words. And blind or not, the intense expression on his face was not to be mistaken.  
Nor were the trembling in his hands she could feel as he held hers.

Matt let go of Karen’s hands, then handed her his cane he had kept folded under his arm.  
And walked off before she could say anything. Directly towards the table – it was a table, not a counter – which he walked around smoothly, seized his beer and hers without the slightest hesitation, and walked back.  
“What the-”  
“Maybe… Maybe we could sit down. You have a couch, right?”  
Of course, she had, right there, on the left. But he had to get to it gradually, right?  
“What,” and her voice was shaken, if not a little aggressive, “you tell me you can just go and fetch the beers I took out of the fridge like that, but you can’t  _ see _ that damn couch?”  
“I told you, it’s complicated.” He tried to keep his voice calm, even. Trying not to let out how  _ not _ calm he was inside. Panic. The word was panic. “I think maybe we should sit. Really.”  
“Do you have more revelations like this to make, then?” Her voice really sounded bad. Like she was furiously mad, disappointed, and on the verge of tears at the same time. But she was curious.  
Thank God, she was curious.  
“In fact, I… I do. Please. Let’s sit.”

Karen was more than shaken. She almost couldn’t stand straight. What did she just witness? What did it mean? The man she was dating, allegedly a totally blind man, to whom she had carefully indicated where things were whenever she had been working or simply going out with him, had just casually walked towards stuff she had only alluded to by talking, and picked them up. Like that. In a place he’d never been before. No cane, no tricks with his hands to feel where the table was, and he just casually walked around it. And grabbed the beers.  
But there was something…  
… as she walked towards the couch – this time not even trying to help him and not apologizing – she replayed the scene in her head. She did this often, in what was now her job, but had always been like this. Details. Details were always the most important. Some things didn’t add up.  
He had walked, just as he followed her now, in way less stiff way. But still, there was something vaguely awkward… Something that reminded her of someone else. She could not pinpoint.  But she had seen someone walk like this before. He had this step. Somehow graceful, and a little off, at the same time.  
He did not look where he was going. And when he went to pick the beers, he never looked at the table nor at the beers themselves. As she sat, she saw him, still holding the two bottles of beer, do the same thing. Casually sat just like any sighted person, not checking the seat first as he did at work. But he was not looking at it. He was in fact not looking at anything. She admitted to herself she noticed that because she had lured at him from afar for so long, now; if his eyes had focused on anything there, she’d have noticed. And they never did.  
So there was something. There was something big. She was mad at him, she still didn’t know what to make of this information – but if he had more to say, she would take it. She wanted to know. She wanted to understand. All thoughts of what would, or could have happened after their kiss had vanished from her mind. Unconsciously, she even changed the way she sat on the sofa. Further from him.

“So, uh...” He didn’t know where to start. What to say first. This was a disaster.    
“So?” Still harsh, sharp, cold. Too cold. Matt felt a lump in his throat. He tried to stall, again.  
“Let’s open these first.” He handed one bottle to Karen. Then realized she had never taken any bottle opener out. “Uh, do you have something for –”  
“Why don’t you fetch it yourself?” Her tone was now acidic. But Matt took it as a way to explain. Revert the argument against the opponent. Use it for yourself. Think fast, counsellor, it’s your job, after all.  
“That’s the thing, I…  I would need to feel the contents of all your drawers to find it.  
“I don’t get it.  
“I… Let’s say, I…” He let out a frustrated sigh. “I think it’d be better if I start from the beginning. But then it’ll be long. So maybe at least tell me in which drawer the bottle opener is, so we can let some steam off, okay?”  
“You really don’t know?” Was she warming up? She really sounded surprised. He did in fact absolutely not know, but the way she said it made it sound like it should have been obvious.  
“Uh. Really. No.”  
There was a long silence. Karen didn’t move. Her pulse stayed up, but that’s the only thing he could tell about her. She was probably looking at him. Trying to know if he was lying, this time. He was not. He tried to face her the best he could. Let her see it on his face that he was done with lying. Trying not to let her see his panic – but he might not manage that as well.  
“Okay. Gimme.” She was almost whispering. Matt hoped it was a good sign. She took his beer from his hand and stood up, walking the few feet that separated them from the fridge, took something off the door, and opened the bottles one by one.  
“Magnet. It was there. The whole time. It’s big, and in the form of a fish – free advertising goodie. I think I got it when we got out with Foggy, one night. You weren’t there – you’re never there…” She trailed off, then seemed to get back to herself. He sensed her shaking the bottle opener in her hand. “And it’s bright red, on the white fridge. You can’t… you can’t miss it.” She sat back on the couch, handing him his beer back. “Now. Tell me.”

Her voice had softened, and it was what prompted Matt to start. Everything, from the beginning. But, first…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I cut abruptly but I like my chapters short. And it helps the progression of the story. Sorry ^^


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again a big thank you to @LittleDidTheyKnow for her help with this chapter. 
> 
> You'll see, I've added that part you were talking about, I hope it's good ! :)

“The other… ah… the other… revelation.” Matt passed his hand through his hair.    
“Oh, yes, that one.” The bitter tone was back again. But less acidic. More… sad ? Tired ? He couldn’t tell. “How many more things will I have to get through tonight?  
“The Man in the Mask. Dare–”  
“No.” She got up from the couch, almost so fast she could have startled him. And he was never startled. Judging from her voice, she had her hand in front of her mouth. “No. No, it’s not…”  
“You know it is. You wanted to know. Where the bruises came from. All the injuries, and,” he let out a joyless chuckle, “many more than what you’ve noticed. I… I have to tell you. This is why I’ve come up here. And this is also why I couldn’t come without telling you, because… one way or another, you’d have seen... You know. You know this adds up.”  
“No.” Karen had started pacing around the tiny living room. And she was walking fast. “No, you can’t do –”  
“You know I can. I just showed you how. And you met… you met me at night. More than once. There’s only so much I can do to disguise myself.  
“No, you showed me, but I still don’t know how. It can’t, _it can’t be you, for fuck’s sake!”_  
“Karen. Remember the first time we met. The night I offered you to stay at my flat. I told you then. It was to protect you.”  
“It thought it meant… legally, like you’d protect me by keeping me out of prison.” Did Matt hear a chuckle? It sounded so. A desperate chuckle, but one nonetheless. It prompted him to continue.  
“That first night, you had lied to me – not that I am or was mad about it – about the files. I knew it. I can tell this sort of things. So when you left, I followed you. And I am so, so glad I did. Even then, I don’t know what I would have done if…”

Of course. Of course, it was him. Who else? Who would have even known? Why would anyone else have been there? She was too unconspicuous at her job, and no one had ever looked into Union Allied back then anyway, for a… for someone like the Man in the Mask to get an interest into. Unless… Unless they had known from another way. She glanced at Matt. These lips. Of course.

“And then we phoned you all night, when all those explosions and hostage taking happened, and… and you were there. On TV. Kicking the shit out of cops.”  
“They were trying to –“  
“No, I didn’t mean to… It’s okay. I just need to…” She paused, both in her speech and in her pacing. “Foggy knows, right?  
“He does.  
“How did it go, with him?” She sat back again on the couch. Next to him. Not as far as before.    
“I, uh. Differently. This is it, Karen, I don’t want to… I wanted to come clean. To tell you. Before the same happens.”

 Karen didn’t know what to think or feel anymore. Matt had stopped talking there, his face away from hers, eyes cast down. He was stroking his face, a thing he did often when looking for what to say, absentmindedly caressing a thin scar on his cheekbone while doing so. A scar she had definitely not seen on him the first time they had met. When did this scar appear on his face? How many more did he have on his body?    
“What… what happened?” She felt as if she knew already.  
“He, uh.” Matt turned his head further away from her. “Not so long ago, he… He found me when I had been… beaten up. Mask on. Often, I… I wonder what would have happened if I had not given him a key of my flat.”  
“You weren’t just beaten up, right?” She had already seen someone in a pool of their own blood. Now, suddenly, she pictured Matt, there. Inert, covered in blood, on the ground. The sudden twisted image, half memory, half imagination, cut off her breathing. Matt must have picked it up, as he tentatively put a hand on her knee.  
“I’m okay now, Karen.  
“No, you’re not.” She was half choking. “How many times have I seen you all beaten up? And now you say there’s more? And knowing you, for you to let Foggy discover this, you were not _just beaten up_.”

She paused. He did not dare to say anything. He let her digest it all.

The pause was long. He drank from his beer while Karen didn’t move. Then she said, in a softer, almost sad voice:  
“Is it why you didn’t want to come up? You knew that we… we would… and you have scars. Right? Not just bruises.  
“I do.”

Karen made another pause. This was surreal. Totally unexpected. She expected something fishy but not… Not this. Not that Matt… this didn’t fit… or rather… it did.  She still couldn’t understand how he did all this. He was clearly really blind, by the way he did not look at anything before doing stuff – besides, even if it was a good cover, who would go this way, all the way, to fake being _totally_ blind to cover this? It’d be tremendous work. And hard. Not a fun thing. The frustration on Matt’s face when his laptop’s screen reader misbehaved at the office felt genuine. He did read braille – and at an incredible speed, for what she had seen while researching things about blindness not to be a pain for him at work. Who would take so much time to learn something that felt relatively hard, and that well, to cover a secret? She had done her homework, and she felt he was not a total liar. But he still hid some things. She had so many questions. She wanted to know everything.  
But did she even have a right to hear them? He was here, offering his secret to her, something he was hiding to the rest of the world, and she still didn’t feel like telling him hers.  
In fact, she felt even less inclined to do so. He was a good man, he was trying to do what he could and more. And she… She had killed. She wasn’t worthy of him. She drank from her bottle, and her eyes filled with tears, the back of her throat aching.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karen talks.

“Karen?”  
She was crying and trying to hide it, but her breathing had become erratic and, it was subtle, but he could taste some salt in the air. Matt put his hand on her shoulder, unsure if he should hug her right now. He kept his tone the lowest, calmest he could.  
“Don’t cry, please, I’m sorry, I just didn’t know how…  
“I’m not even crying yet.” Her voice was wavering, but she was right. “I guess you… picked something weird up, because I am not…”  
She started crying for real, choking on her last words. “It’s not… it’s not about you. Maybe… maybe you should leave.”  
Matt didn’t know what to do. Maybe it would indeed be better to leave her alone, let her digest all this information, let her think about that. About him. About _them_.  
But this was not, in fact, about him. About what, or whom, then?  
“If you want me to go, I will. But… I don’t want to leave you like this.  
“I’m not… I’m not…” She couldn’t even speak now. He decided to hug her. Slowly, he slipped his left arm around her shoulders, guiding her against his chest, paying close attention to any sign she could give off that this was unwelcome. She let go, still crying there, with her head under his chin, not doing anything to hug him back, nor to reject him. He kept her this way for a long time, just holding her, until he felt and heard that she had calmed down a little. His shirt was wet. He did not care.  
“Do you still want me to leave? I can. I will, if you want.” She had a weak shake of her head, he could feel it against his chest. Stay. He could work with that.  
“Listen, I don’t… I don’t understand why you are crying now if it is not linked to all we just discussed, but…” He was caressing her back, slowly, trying to help her settle. He kept his voice low. “You… you don’t have to tell me anything. Just know... Whatever you’d say, I would not judge you.”  
She tensed, and had yet another shake of her head. No? He would judge? What was it? What was so hard to say? What had happened to her? Unconsciously, his jaw clenched, and his hand stopped caressing her. If anything had happened to her and he had not been there to protect her… it was his fault. He was dying to know, but he was in no position to demand anything from her. He could feel his own tears fill his eyes, a mix of anger, frustration, and sadness, as to what must have happened to her to put her in this state. And obviously, he had not held his promise. He couldn’t protect her. He tried to calm down and hugged her tighter.

He realized he had made her tense even more. He was frightening her.  
“God, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He let go of her, taking her hands instead. “I’m sorry, I just… Anything bad happening to you, and I…  
“You think you are the one to talk about that? What should I say?” She managed between hiccups.  
He did not reply. He just held her hands, silently. Trying to fight that voice in his head telling him to make her talk, find and beat the person who had hurt her to a pulp.  
Karen was the one to come back against his chest. But it felt like an afterthought, or maybe that she felt the – arguably useless – need to hide her face from him. It didn’t feel like she wanted to be there. He didn’t know. But he welcomed it, and closed his arms back again around her.

She didn’t move, after that. She was still crying, silently, sniffing from time to time, trying to hide a hiccup. He kept his mind away from the idea of Karen being hurt – by someone, by herself, and above all, by or because of him – trying to concentrate on her flat.  
The big room they were in was both living room and kitchen. The sofa had seen better days but smelled good, old leather, some old perfume, and Karen’s, mixed with Karen’s smell. It soothed him, letting his mind wander, drowning in her smell, his nose a mere inch away from her hair. Her hair that he could have never been able to smell or touch now if…  Concentrate, Matt.  
The drone of the fridge. Some plants in the kitchen, on the coffee table. A quilt on the sofa backrest; wool. A scented candle on the windowsill. Cotton flowers? Big windows. A deli still open on the other side of the street, where a radio was playing an 80’s song.  
Karen whispered.

Karen was whispering.  
“…one night… I came home… and they got me.”  
Matt had become very still, holding his breath. One move from him would silence her.  
“ _He_ got me… that man… Fisk’s man… Wes-  
“Wesley?” Matt couldn’t help it.  He took her by the arms, closing in on her, speaking fast, anger talking over reason.  “What did he do? Did he hurt you? Karen, if -  
  
“LET ME FINISH”

She shrieked. Loudly. It was an ugly sound, a loud one, that ringed in his ears for long. It sobered him.  
“If… If I don’t say it now… I will never… I haven’t told… let me. Say it.  
“I’m so-  
“Shut. Up.”  
She was trembling. No, not trembling. Her whole body was shaking under his hands, that were still on her arms. And then, suddenly, it stopped. He could very audibly hear her swallowing.  
“I killed him.”  
All the air flew out of Matt’s lungs at once.  
“ _You what?_  
“Don’t make me say it again.” Her voice was strangely rough, as if her shrieking had broken it. Maybe. Or maybe it was what she was saying. “I was alone, with him, he had a gun, he threatened to kill everyone I knew, he said he was going to come for Foggy, for _you_ , and then he left the gun for a second and I… I took it.” She started crying again. “I didn’t want to… but… no, in fact I wanted it. I wanted him dead. I wanted Fisk dead. I still want it. And you’re here. Being a hero, saving everyone and never killing anyone, and -  
“I wanted him dead, too.” It was the only thing he though about saying. His mind was blank. Karen, soft and sensitive Karen, but strong in a way he could not pin point. Well now, he could. How could she have kept this hidden for so long? He knew, then, something had happened. But he could never have imagined it was this. “Fisk. I wanted him dead, I wanted to kill him. In some ways, I wish I had. So you wouldn’t have lived through this. I… I should have protected you. I didn’t keep my promise.  
“Shut up, Matt.” She breathed loudly. “Don’t make it about you. Don’t feel guilty about this. I’m just happy you’re not… you’re not… mad or whatever.  Is there a word strong enough for when you’re talking about…”  
Feeling like she was going to burst into tears again, he put a light finger on her lips.  
“Shh. Alright. I won’t make it about me.” His voice was almost a whisper. “Just know that, this man was evil. Maybe he didn’t deserve to die, maybe he _did_. He will be judged. Maybe has already. But not by us. You, on the other hand, were protecting yourself. And people you… knew. There is no questioning that. No judging. Not from me.”  
She was shaking again. And then, it was as if she had leaped in his arms. Grabbing hold of him like an anchor during a storm. Squeezing herself against him like never before, her arms around his back, her forehead against his neck. She was crying again, drenching the collar of his shirt. There was salt in the air again… coming from him. He was crying, too – but couldn’t tell when he had started. He gave Karen her embrace back, as tight as he could, and let go, feeling his own tears roll onto her shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst angst angst, way too much angst.
> 
> This chapter has not been beta-read and I am posting it after reading it only twice and not editing much. But I want this story to be complete before S3 rolls over and destroys all my will to continue. I want to write my own view of this. 
> 
> There is only on chapter left ! 
> 
> Anyway. If too much angst is too much, or if you have any objections or critiques or just want to discuss how you would have seen this happen, please tell me ^^


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted from my mobile so there might be some English mistakes, but already I know the paragraphs are a bit wonky. Will edit this from laptop on Friday, sorry about this!

Karen was woken up by the light of dawn. A grey, pale light, that only promised rain, but enough for her to feel the need to hide her face when her eyes opened slightly. She hid against Matt’s chest.

Matt’s chest?

She opened her eyes. She was lying on the side on her couch, squeezed against the backrest, her arm across Matt’s chest, both of his arms holding her, loosely, against him, in his sleep. They both still wore their clothes from the evening before. Matt’s tie was crooked.The memories of the night hit her all at once, making her nauseous. So much had been said – and so much left unsaid – she didn’t know what to feel anymore. She remembered crying in Matt’s arms. First, out of fear, guilt, and sadness at the thought that he would not want to have anything to do with her after she talked. Then, out of relief. She had finally said it. She was finally not alone in the world anymore, not alone to bear this burden. And he had stayed. He was still there, here against her. Holding her. Realizing that made her feel so much better.

She remembered the rest. What he had revealed. She shifted, slightly, to look at him. He seemed still sound asleep. Peaceful. All the tension seemingly gone from his face and body. She hoped it would still be the case when he woke up. It was both surreal – and so logic. How could she have been so… blind? It was all there for her to see. In fact, if she thought about it, she _had_ seen it. Just wouldn’t process it. He wasn’t even really good at keeping this hidden. She kept looking at him, wondering how this would unfold. If now that they had both come clean, as hard as it had been to, they could move on.

Together.

Something brushed against Matt’s side. There was a heartbeat, fast, and familiar, next to him. In fact, he didn’t know if he was hearing it, or feeling it through his body.

Karen. Karen was there.

He breathed in, recognizing her smell. She was there for real, against him, propped on her elbow. She was awake. As his senses kicked in, so did his memory. She knew. He didn’t have to hide from her anymore. And she didn’t need to hide from him either. He opened his eyes, turned on his side so he could face her, and placed a hand against her cheek, stroking her gently. Feeling, and hearing her relax under his touch made him smile.

“See. I’m here. I stayed.

“Can you stay some more?

“All you want, miss Page. We can stay here all day, if you want.”

This smile of his. How it made his face wrinkle around his eyes. This was the smile she loved, yet it was also so much more to see it right now. As she did not talk – too absorbed in looking at him, at his face, at his hands, his eyes he was not covering anymore – he frowned.

“Karen… I am so sorry for yesterday. I didn’t -

“Hush”, it was her turn to place a finger on his lips. “You can’t understand how happy I am that this happened. How much lighter it feels, to have told this to you. It doesn’t erase how terrible it is… but it makes it easier to bear. To know that you – and, well, the Man in the Mask, Daredevil himself – are still willing to stay by my side… even knowing this…

“Make it two.” He had whispered over her finger, still placed on his lips.

Slowly, hesitantly, she took her finger away, and placed her lips on his. A soft kiss, that didn’t last too long. She laid back, but Matt gently took her by the neck, and brought her tighter against him, kissing her again. She could have cried some more, but of joy now; instead she just dived into this kiss, tasting him on her tongue, feeling the softness of these lips she had lusted after for so long without really admitting it to herself.

When they parted again, a little panic took hold of Karen. She had no idea of the time, or even which day it was. She’d been so upset, she had forgotten all.

“Wait, what time is it? Shouldn’t we be at work –

“Hey, relax.” Matt caressed her arm. The sole touch from his hand was enough to slow her heartbeat. “I’m fairly sure it’s Sunday. Lemme check.” Matt had to untie himself from her to get to his left wrist, almost falling from the couch in the process. He felt his watch. Karen, still tense, had a little smile, seeing that her theories from the night before seemed to be at least in part true. In fact, for now, he had been behaving exactly the same as usual, he just looked… happier, more relaxed. But he was definitely still not looking her in the eye. Because he was indeed unable to. Now, she started wondering again how he did all the rest.

“It’s barely six. Six a.m., and definitely Sunday, first because, well, yesterday was Saturday…” He raised his eyebrows, nudging her with his free hand, gently mocking her. “And judging by the sounds outside. The streets are virtually empty. No cars, no people. That’s not the case on a week day. You can relax now.” That smile again.

“So that’s how you do it.” Karen, after sighing in relief, had to move awkwardly, chuckling, so Matt could replace his arm under her. Maybe they should get away from this couch, if they wanted to continue cuddling. It felt like all blood had left her right arm, pressed under her body for God knew how long. But, at the same time, she felt absolutely no will to move.

Matt tilted his head, grimacing.

“Partly. Do you want me to start explaining now? You fell asleep last night, and I didn’t feel like waking you up… You were so calm…” He smiled, and stroked her cheek again, replacing some of her hair behind her ear when his fingers encountered them. Then he let his hand wander on her side, stopping on her waist. “I fell asleep too, and I think I had not slept as well for a long, long time.”

He could both hear and feel Karen’s laugh. This was the best feeling.

“What, right here? Squeezed on this old couch? You are a liar, counsellor.”

Matt replied by shrugging, which again made him dangerously close to falling on the floor.

Karen, chuckling again, caught him by the arm.

“What do you think we go to another room? I don’t want you ending on the floor. Besides… I have nosy neighbours.

“I don’t get it. Nothing to see here.” At first Karen was unsettled by his reply, but it didn’t last long at the sight of his crooked smile. She mockingly pushed him.

“Off this couch, Murdock.”  

Matt sat up, stretching his stiff neck. She sat next to him.

“See, that couch isn’t that great to sleep on.

“You are right. Do you happen to have a bed?” More crooked smile.

“I might have that. But shouldn’t you be going to Mass, on a Sunday morning?” It was half tongue in cheek, half a true question. She didn’t know much about Matt’s church habits.

“I haven’t been in a long while.” This first sentence was serious. He had tilted his head backwards. Then he leaned on her, whispering: “Besides, we have four long hours before Mass. We can do plenty of… sleeping…” he punctuated this sentence by kissing her again.  She had to summon all her strength to stop this kiss, and take him by the hand. Matt didn’t complain, and let her guide him to a tiny bedroom, at the other side of the kitchen. Matt stopped when they just passed the door.

“So… where were we, last night?” He turned towards her, his hands on her waist, his face close to her neck, breathing in the smell of her skin.

“I… I don’t really remember…

“Well, I _think_ , we were… like this…” He gently pushed her against the nearest wall, and soon his lips found hers again. Sooner, her hands found his tie and untied it, while she could feel his hands running all over her body. It was only when an adventurous hand untucked her blouse from her skirt that she replicated by starting to unbutton his shirt. Matt was the one to stop their languorous kissing then.

“Please don’t… don’t start feeling bad about the scars, alright? I don’t want them to… ruin the mood, you know.”

Karen had her hands still on his shirt buttons. She didn’t know what to reply. Matt licked his lips and tilted his head, wincing.

“Mood which I am the one ruining now, right?” He was clearly embarrassed, licking his lips again, turning his face away from her.

“Are they… that bad?

“Frankly? I have no idea. I mean… I can’t see them. Few people have, and they didn’t tell me what it was like. In fact…

“What?” She was back at unbuttoning, gentler, not as rushed as she had been before.

“You are… you were… you’re the one I was afraid they would repel. I don’t care about the others, but… ”

Was Matt Murdock blushing in front of her very eyes? After all that happened, after what they had just been doing, saying, this was what made him blush. She felt herself fall a little more for this man at this fact.

“Oh, Matt.” She stopped unbuttoning his shirt, and took his face in her hands, kissing him again, and gently pushing him back against the bed.

Of course, he sat exactly when he should, and didn’t trip against the bed. A part of her was still able to register this. The other part started unbuttoning his shirt again.

Before she could finish, Matt caught her by the waist and made the two of them lie down across the bed, facing each other. His cheeks were still red, but his smile was back. Only, softer.

He found the place where her blouse was now hanging, and slipped his hand under it, against the skin of her belly. He smiled when he felt her shiver.

“Please continue” he let out between kisses. She didn’t make him ask twice.

There were many. Not a web of scars, not _that_ many, but… many. Many more than she had ever seen on one person. She couldn’t help but stop and stare. Two symmetrical at the top of his chest. One that looked like a bullet wound on the left side, this she could tell easily, and one she couldn’t really identify – a knife wound? – on the right. Others. Most of them were clean, obviously tackled by a professional. So, someone else knew. Not only Foggy. But was it going to stop her? She looked into Matt’s face, turned serious again now, but still red, and his sentence came back to her mind. _You were the one I was afraid they would repel_. Who would she be, to feel jealous at this moment? Then she spotted one – or in fact two other scars, both more ancient, and less clean; as if the person who dressed the wound knew what to do, clearly had the dexterity, but lacked the skills that come with experience. These ones stopped her.

“You took care of those yourself.” She barely dared to touch the skin, afraid he would feel pain. When she did, he had that look on his face, squinting his eyes, and she drew her hand away, making a mental note to try and avoid touching him there. She had many other questions, but she felt, no, she knew, she could ask them later. There was no more dissimulation between them – and thus, it could wait for later. After.

“Yes.” He had a guilty expression on his face.

She wanted to ask more questions. She wanted to know more about all this. But she quenched her obsessive curiosity. Now was not the time, and Matt was clearly upset. She placed her hand on his heart, and smiled.

“Hey. You told me you were okay now. So, it’s okay.”

Matt sighed and closed his eyes. He took her in his arms, bringing her closer to him, and started kissing her again.

Now that what he had been anxious about had passed, it was harder for Matt to keep his mind on track, and not get lost in his senses, her smell, the fine grain of her skin, her warmth, and the delicious taste of her lips against his, under his tongue. The cotton of her blouse, rough under his fingers, unconsciously prompted him to get rid of it faster. Once done, he could concentrate on Karen’s skin, his hands trailing her back, her waist, her shoulders, never stopping in any place for long, as if he was trying to map her entire body in his head. Karen’s kisses, the way she licked his lips, the way she nibbled the skin on his neck, her hands on his chest, the little noises she made now and then, all this was driving him crazy, exquisitely so. He was losing himself and, for once, welcoming this feeling with such happiness, his eyes teared up a little. But Karen seemed not to notice.

They took their time. They had, after all, all morning for this.

 

Maybe more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I chickened. No smut. It didn't fit. Leaving the Mature tag because I don't know what falls under Mature... Tell me if I can change / should change in your opinion! 
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you liked this :)


End file.
